Dr. No-Heart

It's never a positive sign when a nurse suddenly intakes a deep breath and places her hand on her chest in shock.

Thankfully, it all happened so quickly I didn't have time to think!

A couple weeks ago, I had a minor scooter accident. I wasn't going to write about it because I didn't want to scare anyone. Grandma, I'm okay. Promise!  But then all this happened and it's just too good not to write about!

Oh, and the car hit ME by the way. Not the other way around. I saw him. He stopped and even backed up. Then, he changed his mind and gunned it to make a left turn. We hit. My scooter is fine. I'm fine. Although I still don't know what to do if I'm in another accident. Let's just pray I don't find out, okay? I've heard: 

1. Don't stay for the police. They tend to be mean to foreigners.
2. A highly reputable organization in the area tells their internationals to pay off the driver and leave. It's better to deal with health insurance on our own.
3. Handle it the same way as in the state's.
4. Call a Chinese person you know (because that's always available).

My quick it's-Monday-morning-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do solution was to scooter away. I was late for work, plus three guards and the driver all started walking towards me speaking in Chinese. I panicked and just kept thinking of options number 1 and 2! 

A little preview of my GIGANTIC winter setup.

Eventually my coworkers convinced me to see a doctor. My kids' parents were sending me emails of concern and warm wishes. However, the translations of what they'd told their parents was amusing!  

Another mom gave me an orthopedic doctor's number. "I took my daughter there after her dad got mad at her and grabbed her arm a little too roughly. This doctor is really good! He popped it back in right away!" Too much wrong in that statement.

Legit fresh herbal tea in the waiting room!

After taking a sonogram of my wrist, Dr. Chen Hua determined there was no break. He then pulled out a tool that was like an electric shock pulsing into my muscles. Remember my acupuncture experience? That was nothing. Give me needles connected to electrodes any day over this! 

My interpreter couldn't capture a picture of Dr. No-Heart working on my wrist because she needed to be ready to tell him to stop. He doesn't listen to screams or yells. Imagine a point of pain where you can't take it anymore and ask a doctor to stop. Now, imagine having to wait another several seconds for that to get translated usually the translator repeats the question to me to double check - so kind before the pain subsides. Yeah, that's a blast.

I told my interpreter they should provide leather strips to bite down on. No mercy.

Dr. Chen Hua wrapped my arm with a TCM herbal paste making the arm look far worse than it is. Then he gave me instructions to not type or lift anything heavy. 

After my first appointment, I was so traumatized I opted
out of returning to work and enjoyed a coffee shop nearby.
Sadly they had nothing harder than coffee.

Turns out, he's a chiropractor too! I've been on a hunt for one and have come up empty. It's AMAZING my body has been holding up so well after flying here and everything I've been doing! In the states I considered it good if I went six weeks in-between chiropractor appointments; that was rare!

I caught them up a bit on my ski injury from a few years ago and he adjusted me. I should say, after having all six people in the room stare at my hips and pubis bone area while they seemed to discuss matters pertaining to what would happen next, he adjusted me. 

That wasn't awkward. At. All.

See that gun-like tool he's using on my arm? Hmm, okay, so that's not the best angle for a picture to have been taken. But, from my vantage point the first time, he was holding it like a person holds a gun in those cheesy crime shows. Then....he went to my pubis bone. It felt like he put that instrument on the highest setting possible while also pressing with all his might as well! 

Ouch is an understatement. 

That's when I realized why he had so many people in the room. They had to hold me down. There were at least three people holding my legs and shoulders. I couldn't ask any questions or yell stop because the pain was too bad to say anything. 

My interpreter asked me afterward if my chiropractor in the states puts that area back into place manually. I said yes and it's much easier to deal with. I'm still catching myself holding my breath as I write this! It. Was. Awful. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Do not EVER break your pelvis.  

Once he finally relented, Nurse Cares-A-Lot wiped my tears. Meanwhile, Dr. No-Heart, moved to check my hip. He took my leg and, in one swift move, turned it up, across my body, over, and down like I've never seen and never want to again for as long as I live!

That is when Nurse Cares-A-Lot held her hand to her heart and took a loud intake of breath. Another nurse did a little yelp. My interpreter clutched her clipboard.

As I walked out of the room, my interpreter, rather wide-eyed, voiced she had never seen an adjustment anything like that. Fabulous. Glad I could help.

I now find the name of this clinic ironic. 

Today, as I went back for round two. Because I'm crazy like that and he's the only doctor I've found so far who understands the injury. I asked my interpreter why she and the doc were laughing. She said he remembers I don't do well with pain. 

WHAT!?!? You have GOT to be kidding me. ALL kinds of things popped into my head that I wanted to spout off to Dr. No-Heart. 

Like, did he say that to the woman I heard yelping and screeching while I sat in the waiting room? Would he go out, injure himself, and care to let me take a stab at using those tools on him?! 

Instead, I stared at his wedding band and thought about what his wife must be like.  

As I sat pasting my oh-so-fake smile on my face, it occurred to me, sometimes it's good to need an interpreter. It forces you to shut your mouth.