Real Talk

I was asked last night: "Are you ready for this week?"

"No. But I will be."

Did you know endometriosis is known to be in EVERY organ in the body? There are cases, albeit very few, where it is in the brain. Lord have mercy.

This weekend I "met" a woman whose lung collapses EVERY SINGLE MONTH due to endometriosis. 

Think about that. 

Think about living any sort of normal life. She can't have a life and is on disability. Will you please pray for her? I can imagine and cringe. My heart hurts for her. Doctors think my lung collapsed prior to my chest surgery and I didn't know it due to the extreme pain I'd been in constantly. YET, to think of my lung collapsing EVERY MONTH!? 

If you spend much time researching endometriosis you will see it is compared to cancer. A cancer that's not well understood. 

I am thankful I serve a God who gives me HOPE. Like everyone, I need to be reminded of that hope and our eternal joy.

This morning was one of those days. I awoke with a sense of dread. 

Real talk - this surgery is harder for me to swallow. I've had scarier surgeries for sure. Although my doctor has done a lovely job reminding me how the risks get higher the more surgeries I have. Her bedside manner is just lovely. 

This surgery brings a grief going into it for several reasons: 1. I'm losing more of my insides. 2. I know the pain involved in recovery from this type of abdominal surgery. 3. I know hormonally my body may make me like a postpartum woman post-op. (For those willing to be around me after, I warned you here!) 4. I am more knowledgeable in what this disease could look like in the future. 

I was sharing with a friend this evening that perhaps a reason I'm going through this is because there are not many voices filled with hope in the world of endometriosis. Please let me be clear, we can grief and cry but STILL be a voice of hope. It drives me bonkers when Christians never talk about their junk!

Yet, we have an anchor for our souls. 

Here's my journal entry I want to share. Please pray this and whatever the Lord may lead you to for myself and all others who are in pain this holiday season:

Lord, heal me. I confess I am scared. I don't want another season of recovery.

This is not how I wanted to spend Christmas. I want to be walking through festive lights, attending holiday parties, wearing ugly Christmas sweater with friends and have a merry ole time! 

[Yes, I wrote that part in my journal!] 

Lord, draw me closer to You in this season of waiting in multiple ways.

During this season of Advent, may my challenges lead me to pray for others 

while reminding me of the greatest suffering ever endured by One.

May I be filled with joy, hope, and love for You in new and meaningful ways.

Amen.