Back to the Grabber it Is

      New Year's resolutions are rather silly to me.  Why make one when we are always to be striving for greater excellence regardless of the time of year?  Saying that, I decided one resolution I'd make this year would be to begin a blog.  It seems like for years friends have been saying I should write a book or at the very least start a blog.  I guess this is my least?  So much for excellence!  
        Last week I was gazing out the window when I randomly remembered a friend had created a blog for me in February.  Sure enough, I looked at my email history and found my new email, password, and link to a blog my designer friend, Colleen, put together.  Apparently she'd decided I would have a lot of time on my hands or something.  This week another friend emailed and said I should start writing a blog.  Well Letitia, here it is; if you're disappointed don't you dare tell me!  Upon further digging through my inbox I found an old email of blog titles suggested to me by various friends.  "Accidentally Never Bored" was thought of by my clever friend Natalie.  Thanks for the collaborative effort!     

       Our calendar says the New Year is on January 1st but it rarely feels like a new year on the first.  A day off, perhaps.  The end of the holiday season, yes.  A new year?  Usually not. 
        To me a new year is the morning of March 19th, my birthday!  Or it's the day after Christmas.  Who remembers December 26th-31st anyway?  In school a new year was always in August; then again in June.  When I roomed with my friend, QiQi, from China it seemed like we had just finished celebrating the American New Year's then three weeks later we celebrated another new year, and another the next week, and the next.  So when does a new year begin?

Right now it's looking like I'll be starting a "new year" in July.  At least that's what my physical therapist alluded to this week when we talked about goals.  Talk about going in with high hopes and walking out with reality!  July!?  Where did that come from?  

         I think my PTs have trust issues with me.  Something about the fact that I went from not walking at all to doing stairs, then being put back to only toe-touch weight bearing status for 1 1/2 weeks only to find I was doing reverse crunches with my walker (I wasn't weight bearing!) 

Travis and Angie, my PTs, seem to be pulling in the reigns.  I've been told they're pretty tough, but as in they push you.  I was thrilled!  Bring on the pain!  Instead, I'm getting the opposite: "No more crunches.  No bending over.  No sitting with your legs crossed.  If you start feeling bone pain then ease up on the exercises we give you.  Only one outing every other day.  Begin 20 minutes of water therapy 2-3 times a week, but that will be your outing for the day.  We won't begin working on walking exercises for a couple weeks.  It's only been 2 months and your bones are still healing.  Be up and moving with some weight bearing, but don't push it and stop to rest far before you think you need to. "  The worst: "It would be a good idea for you to stay away from Colorado until July; it'll be too tempting for you."  I think that had something to do with my goal of hiking a 14er the end of June.  I'm beginning to rethink this openness and honesty thing.

            

Toward the end of my first week in Iowa I came to highly appreciate my new lifeline: the grabber.  I wasn't very mobile yet and dreaded asking for help with every little thing.  This under-valued tool became, dare I say it, a fascination to me.  How many objects can I pick up at once?  Can I get everything out of my suitcase without asking for help and using just the grabber?  Sadly, the answer was no.  How small of an object can I grab?  What most unique shape can I still manage to pick up with this reacher?  I learned the hard way that a glass of water is NOT a good thing to try.  Kidding!  But I did successfully pick up a small glass bottle filled with an herbal concoction.  No worries, only legal herbs were in the bottle.

As much as I came to rely on that clever device, I was not at all nostalgic when it happened to get buried in my suitcase later the next week.  Yesterday, however, I found myself asking someone to retrieve it for me.  Back to the grabber it is, at least when the walker's not a viable option.  Otherwise it's an interesting challenge to do a (mostly) one legged squat while holding onto the walker!


        I went in the past couple times to PT suggesting that the walker has become old news and it's time for me to be on crutches.  I suggested what I thought was a great selling point: it's a hazard for me.  Like when I try to walk fast one of my legs will hit the front of the walker, resulting in either abruptly stopping or getting off balance; or when I need to go up or down a few stairs it has to be turned sideways, which is quite precarious, or I just go for it and place the walker on the ground past the steps and do a little flying through the air.  I go back to PT on Monday and I am looking forward to walking out on crutches.  This time for real!         
        Yes, it stinks that this process seems to be getting longer and longer.  It seems like PT is taking things excruciatingly slow at least right now.  I feel like I'm getting a taste of what a 2 year old must feel like!  No.  Don't do that.  Stop.  Admittedly, like a 2 year old, at times I suppose I deserve it. 
        Ultimately, it doesn't matter if my goal date for normal activity is May, July, or later (like that's going to happen!)  What matters most right now is my attitude, and frankly, they can keep telling me no and seemingly hold me back but I'm going to keep fighting.  For those of you who have given me lectures, don't worry I'm listening to my therapists and not pushing it!  I mean fighting for hope and joy; protecting my relationship with God and pouring into it; obeying what I've been told even when I'd much rather just start walking and deal with the pain; and speaking of pain, fighting to understand good vs bad pain - quite confusing if you ask me!
       The battle for hope and joy isn't a hard one.  But it is an intentional one.  A friend of mine abruptly lost his wife to cancer a few months ago, leaving him a widower and a single father of two.  Since then he's been writing a lot about the gift of suffering.  Yes, it is a gift.  One we are promised by God to go through.  Suffering looks different in every season but here's some of what stays the same: God is good, loving, and faithful.  He is the God of mercy and grace and our High Counselor.  
       We (I) must choose to hear His Word for what He promises.  Two of those promises are: We will suffer.  We have a joyful hope.  I say AMEN to that!  Bring it!