Joyful Vulnerability

        I've been thinking a lot about the gifts of time, peace, patience, joyfulness, rest, faith, change, and trust.  Shocking, right?  I've been excited about the possibilities ahead, what God is doing, and all the things I'm beginning to absorb.  That said, there seems to be so much that it's overwhelming.  Seriously?  I'm putting pressure on myself to learn and glean unending amounts of who knows what during these next couple months?  Ridiculous.  
        So, in light of people asking me to get on with this posting business I thought I’d share a bit about a sermon I listened to a couple weeks ago.  It is by my current favorite speaker/author, Graham Cooke.  I appreciate his style and unique thought processes.  He’s challenging and I sure enjoy a challenge!   

  The teaching was entitled “Joyfully Vulnerable to God's Goodness.”  I was super intentional about choosing the sermon too.  Basically I was like, “Oh! It has joy in the title!  That sounds like something I should listen to!”  I didn't know at the time I chose it, but the sermon came out of a season when Graham was dealing with a significant medical issue.  He stated this in regards to what he was going through: 

Am I still in pain? Yes.
Do I get weary? Absolutely.
Does everything still hurt? Yeah.
Do I have times when I can’t focus and concentrate? Yeah.
But I’m in the best place that I have ever been with God in my life.
“Lord my brain’s not working.”
The Lord's response: 

“That’s okay it doesn’t normally work anyway.”
I can completely relate to almost all of the above....unfortunately even the last statement!  (As some young ladies pointed out to me a while back!)  The part I’m not quite there with yet is, “I’m in the best place that I have ever been with God in my life” part.  I’m not, but that’s okay.  Because I have time and opportunity to savor sweetness with Him right now!

  Joyfully vulnerability.  An interesting concept.  I mean, who likes to be vulnerable?  I’ll be vulnerable, when I’m in control of what I’m being vulnerable about!  For instance, people often comment that I’m an open book.  But I choose to be an open book.  I’ve recently found out that while I was on the heavy medications a well-meaning, long-time friend informed a person caring for me about some things from when I was a teenager.  Specifically an eating disorder and a fourteen-year battle with migraines.  Not a big deal, right?  For whatever reason, even though I’d gladly share those things with anyone, I felt violated.  I knew my good friend who disclosed that information was concerned and knew she knew me better than those around me at the time, it still stunk to realize this was just one more of the many things I had no control over how vulnerable I’d been.  

It’s seasons and instances such as this which remind me the control I think I have is not mine at all.  Physically, spiritually, and emotionally I’ve definitely been through harder times.  Breaking my pelvis and some of the things which transpired in light of the medications I was on was certainly the worst pain I’ve been in, but it was not the hardest thing I’ve been through.  In fact, thinking about it now, it’s probably harder at times for my friends who’d surrounded me.  At least I don’t remember half of what happened and what I do is blurry at best! 

  People keep commenting that they can’t imagine what I’m going through.  The thing is, the biggest battle I’m facing at the moment is patience and trust!  I know there’s an end in site where I’ll be climbing mountains this summer, hopefully go on a weekend backpacking trip before the weather gets bad, rock climb, and of course skiing come winter!  I also know that even though, as of the end of this month, I’ll be homeless, jobless, and the vote’s still out on the final tally of hospital bills I:

                     have confidence and can come boldly to His throne of grace

                             Hebrews 4:16

                     have all things in Christ 

                             2 Corinthians 5:17 

                     am called to live by faith not by sight

                             2 Corinthians. 5:7

                     am kept from falling (no pun intended!)

                             Jude 1:24

                     am and have already been healed by His stripes

                              Isaiah 53:6

                     have a living hope

                             1 Peter 1:3

  Graham asks his audience, “What is it [God] wants to be for you now that [He] can’t be at any other time?”  Thought provoking.  I ask myself, “What are some ways I could be more vulnerable before the Lord?  What are the places, attitudes, and actions I’ve thought I’ve been open to, vulnerable in, and ready to receive all God has but instead I’ve been fooling myself?”

  There has been this reoccurring theme for me over the last two years: let Him carry me.  While it’s a place any man or woman wanting to be in right relationship with God may find him/herself saying, it’s much different when we’re allotted opportunities to experience it!  Quite frankly, it’s hard and it stinks.  I have found myself feeling out of control and vulnerable numerous times.  I don’t like it.  At all.  Yet, it doesn’t matter if I like it or not.  It matters what is.  What is is Truth.  Truth is this:

                     God has adopted me into His family and no fear resides in me

                             Romans 8:15 

                     My God has already met and continues to meet ALL my needs  

                             Philippians 4:19; 2 Peter 1:3

                     He hears and answers prayers

                             Psalm 116:1; Matthew 18:19-20; John 15:7  

  Because of all this, I could not agree with Graham more when he states, “So to me it is utterly irrelevant whether my current circumstances are good or bad.  Life in the Spirit is not about avoiding tough situations. it’s about profiting from them.  About being in alignment; and to be in alignment we must understand and agree with God’s intention for our life. Then we have to embrace that intentionality and make it our own.”

  I want to be in alignment.  Focused.  Properly positioned.  Ready for action.  Wherever, whenever, doing whatever that may be!  Joyfully vulnerable.