Today marks the 5th day I've been roaming freely around the house. After my PT appointment on Monday I came home, put the crutches down, grabbed the ice packs from the freezer, and walked to the living room to ice. A satisfied smile sprung across my face as I realized: "That was the first time I've been able to get my own ice packs!" Later that day I reveled in the excitement of taking my own glass of water and plate of food to the living room as well. Independence! Freedom!
The past couple weeks I've been thinking a lot about my life as a child and teenager. Not because I'm back home and being nostalgic. Rather, because the times I remember being laid up for this long were growing up with migraines. After being in dark hospital rooms or my bedroom for months on end, when those migraines lifted it was like a whole new world!
I have this thing now for large open windows that let in a ton of daylight because it was usually dark at my house. In my childhood bedroom it wasn't enough to have the blinds closed; I needed a thick blanket over the curtain rod. Dad even wired my TV to hook up to my stereo so it could be overall quieter but easier to hear. My parents broke out the old baby monitor during my teen years because it often got to the point where it was unsafe for me to walk by myself because I'd fall or pass out without warning. What teenager wants a baby monitor in their room?
Autumn was often one of the worst seasons to be stuck in bed. Two of my favorite things to do in the fall were raking leaves for leaf piles and riding bikes with Dad. We would go mile after mile on the bike path just outside of town and do a "team" competition to see how far we could ride, always wanting to beat our last ride.
Lounging in bed one autumn day as a young teen I heard loud laughter outside. Peering out my window I saw the neighborhood filled with activity: a family heading off for a bike ride, people doing yard work, dogs running around, neighborhood kids playing. I missed it. Terribly. It struck me that it was something like the third year in a row I'd missed out on the gorgeous Iowa fall days free from sticky humidity we call summer.
Last year I on on the the mountains I climbed, my hiking buddy commented that I said thanks ALL the time. As I began thinking about that comment, while trudging along behind him knowing full well I was much much slower, it dawned on me it's because of growing up with migraines. Praise the Lord, due to lifestyle changes, it is very rare to have a migraine these days. When I do though, I am flooded with awe at the Lord's healing! My second year in college the migraines had gotten so bad that I not only was nearly kicked out of school but was also in the process of becoming permanently disabled. Now I look back and am in awe of what God has done!
While it no doubt royally stunk to deal with such debilitating migraines growing up, some of the many things I learned are: to be thankful for the little things, see joy in suffering, be positive even when there seems to be no end in sight. In 8th grade I missed a semester of school and was in a hospital out of state for three months with who are supposed to be the best migraine doctors in the country. Whether the migraine stint was 5 days or 5 months, it made me appreciate this thing called life on such a grandure scale! The ability to sit in a brightly sunlit room, take a shower every day, eat crunchy foods, listen to loud music while singing at the top of my lungs, eat meals at a table, run up the stairs, laugh loudly, keep commitments, or just simply do life are just a few of the little things that were big things to me.
While in college, I began carrying around 3x5 cards with verses on them. I stink at memorizing things so I figured if I always had key scriptures I could pull out of my purse or backpack then that'd be super helpful. (It was also a great thing to do when bored in class! It beat writing letters to people. That was way more tricky to keep from being noticed.) I also put the cards in various places in my dorm room.
One morning I woke in a particularly ugly mood. The verse on my mirror then was Philippians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice." I said that verse aloud over and over while getting ready, emphasizing a different word each time I said it. I laugh as I type this now because I clearly remember the first few times I spoke it aloud. Gritting my teeth, with slanted eyes I mumbled: "REJOICE in the Lord always and AGAIN I say REJOICE." The capitalized words were far less jubilant than they were of bitterness over what that verse was telling me to do. Yet, by the end of getting ready that morning (I think I took extra long!) I was able to joyfully and with a smile in my voice declare, "Rejoice in the Lord always an again I say rejoice!"
Ever since that day Philippians 4:4-9 and I have had a special connection. So when I read these words by Sarah Young, the author of Jesus Calling, I was encouraged:
This is the day that I have made. Rejoice and be glad in it. Begin
the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring
into this brief portion of your life. Be careful not to complain about
anything, even the weather, since I am the Author of your circumstances.
The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them.
This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My
ways into the situation, so that good emerges from it."
Side adendum here: We are called to rejoice in the hope and in the joy of the Lord. We rejoice because we have eternal life in Christ! BUT, rejoicing does not mean turning a blind eye to the reality of our current circumstances. I have not experienced many pastors telling their congregation to go out and weep as Jesus did, ask the Lord why, lament, be angry but do not sin, etc. Perhaps it's because we're frankly a whiny culture and we, as American Christians need to buck up and be happily living out all faucets of the faith we're called to. Regardless, I feel it is important to note (if not merely for myself!) we are to rejoice and be glad, but we are also to be REAL.
Paul states in 2 Corinthians 4:17, "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." Something I have often done since childhood is see only the positive and only the hope I have in Christ then mistakenly admonish myself for struggling through my current challenge. John recounts Jesus as saying, "'In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world'" (John 16:33). We are guaranteed trials of various magnitudes. The word trouble is indicative of distress, need, problem, affliction, or difficulty. How are we to rejoice while also being authentic throughout our current trouble? I am not sure I know. But I do know I can rejoice in the Truth I know and that alone can get me through each day even as I cry through the "light and momentary troubles." Somehow, unbeknownst to me and by God's mercy, it works! Being real in our troubles and being REAL in our REJOICING!
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